


Connections Across the Web

by AdmantCrow



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival ALL STARS (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, ラブライブ! 虹ヶ咲学園スクールアイドル同好会 | Love Live! Nijigasaki Gakuen School Idol Doukoukai (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Character Development, F/F, Love, Neurodivergent Rina, Neurodiversity, Personal Growth, Pining, Romance focus to increace as we move on, Self-Esteem Issues, Streaming, Tags to be added as we go on, self improvement, video games - Freeform, wingman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdmantCrow/pseuds/AdmantCrow
Summary: Even after her initial performance as a school idol, Rina still seeks to be able to express herself with new people on a more personal level signing can't give her - and with a love of video games and tech simmering beneath her surface, streaming video games with Rina-Chan Board on her side seems the perfect way to personally improve herself. At the same time, Rina begins to truly deal with the problems that she'd buried within herself, again and again, and uses this all to work towards building a special connection she yearns for, more then anything else.
Relationships: Miyashita Ai/Tennouji Rina
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

Taking a deep breath, Rina slid on her special headphones, the front screen of her electronic Rina-Chan Board covering her face completely. There was still a minute to go before the stream clicked over, but she still felt nervous. She checked her camera’s output on her second monitor again and again, making sure her Rina-Chan Board was working as well as it did at her debut performance.

“Is… Is it working?” Rina said slowly, her second face’s eyes going circular in wonderment. The stream had inbuilt delay for around fifteen seconds, so for what felt like an eternity Rina waited for the reply. Thankfully, it came just as quickly as she hoped.  
“ _ **Camera l**_ _ **ooks good on my end!”**_ Yuu’s message popped up on the chatlog, a smattering of heart emoticons quickly arriving after them. Rina let out a sigh of relief, relaxing back into her chair. She was glad to have Yuu helping her – Yuu always marketed herself as being everyone in the club's helper – but to have her helping her on such a personal project was above and beyond.

* * *

“You want to… stream?” Yuu had asked, leaning on one hand, visibly confused. “Like, your singing?” Rina shook her head, finishing the bite of her sandwich before continuing.

“Not my singing. I want to stream the video games I’ve been playing lately.” Yuu nodded slowly, still not quite following.

“Right.”

“You know I’m still struggling to express myself with my face, right?” Rina said slowly, looking down at her sneakers in embarrassment. They’d talked about this, so many times, but she still felt so awkward and, well, stupid bringing it up to anyone. “And we made the electronic Rina-Chan Board to help with that?”

“Course.” Yuu answered, relaxing back into her chair. “Well, you say _we_ , but that was mostly just you being the biggest tech wiz I know.” She smiled sweetly, and Rina couldn't help but shuffle from the praise a bit.

“What I want to do...I want to practice using Rina-Chan Board to be… me.” Rina sighed, rubbing her face gently. “When I’m singing and dancing, up on that stage with everything going on, it’s easier, you know?” Yuu nodded, understanding.

“Yeah, I get it.” She replied, scratching her head listlessly. “It’s clear as day that you - and everyone else, honestly - feel way more at ease when you’re up on stage.”

“Mm.” Rina continued. “But performing as a school idol is different. It's sort of... broad, if you get what I mean? I'm performing to a crowd, not to a person. I want to stream myself, talking to people, playing with people... that kind of thing. I wan to express how I feel about things through my words as well, not just though singing.” Rina forced herself to look up again, to not hide away her silly faces. “I just need some help making this all work, and I thought you'd be great to ask. So...?” Her voice trailed off, short of _actually asking._

To her surprise, Yuu's mouth contorted into one of the widest grins Rina had ever seen grace her face. Honestly... it made her more then a little wary – but most people did that, anyway, even after months in the idol club.

“All right then, Rina.” Yuu said, getting to her feet. “Let's make this happen.”

* * *

“ _ **Okay, camera and mic all seems to be good, just boot up the game and see if that all works.”**_ Rina nodded to Yuu's comment in the chat, and started booting up Warrior's Orochi 3 on her PS4. It was a dull, silly game, but it was the kind of thing that perfectly relaxed Rina when she was high strung.  
Honestly, she couldn't claim the idea of streaming herself to herself – she'd been chatting with Shizuku and Kasumi about ways she could branch out a little more, and both her friends helped her throw ideas at the wall, based of her interests and whatnot, to actually come to the idea of streaming. Honestly, it mostly came down the one that scared her the least – but it was the perfect thing to facilitate how she wanted to connect with people. Her forays into performing on stage was a unique opportunity to connect with people, something she'd dreamed of doing for most of her life. But video games were another significant part of her life she wanted to share with people, an interest that wasn't really shared _that_ much among the other members of the Idol club. Ai enjoyed them, but she was more into arcade games then the rather large selection Rina had bought over the year.

“ _ **Yep, I'm getting the game capture as well!”**_ Yuu typed again into the chatbox, joyful emotes flooding in after wards.

“Good, good.” Rina murmured, clicking away at the controller to get into a fight, just to do a full test. “Let me just try this...”

It'd taken her a long time to commit to streaming herself using Rina-Chan Board. Ever since she was little, Rina had loved technology – computers, electronics, robots, phones and _especially_ video games. Her issues of expression hadn't scored her many – or any, rather – friends, so video games were a hole she fell into _hard_ , taking up hours and hours of her days and week – the perfect place to hide from her problems. She didn't regret, but now that she was older, Rina wished she _tried_ , just a bit harder, to face herself and her problems.  
  
At least, everything really had changed once she met Ai.  
  
At one point during her tech setup and tests, Yuu asked why she didn't ask Ai to help her out, but Rina had really danced around that point. Really, it just came down to the fact she felt she relied too much on her best friend. Ai really did have a massive calming influence on her, always helping her pull out of whatever depressive or anxiety-riddled hole her mind had slipped into. Too often. This was a venture – at least at the start – Rina wanted to take on her own. Grow on her own.

“Okay, I'm running around in a battle now – any screen tearing, or bit rate drop, or, or buffering?” She hoped Yuu understood all that – she could rattle off a lot of technical jargon to people who had no clue – like her parents, but Yuu's message seemed to indicate all was well.

“ _ **Yep, everything looks fantastic! No buffering or any crap like that.”**_ Rina let out a long sigh of relief.

“Okay, roger roger.” Rina said, saluting at her screen. Yuu just sent a flurry of heart emoticons, triggering a giddy grin on Rina's mask.

“ ** _All right, I'm gonna head off now – shoot me a message if you need any help or any other issues come up!_** ” Yuu messaged through the chat. Rina gave her a grin through her mask, nodding in response.

“No problem. I should be fine, but it's nice to know I've got you or one of the others to fall back to.” Honestly, even if she did have issues, she'd try her best to not have to call in Yuu, Ai, or any of the other girls. She had to work hard on her own. She had to...

“ _ **Good luck, fight hard!”**_ Yuu messaged, and then Rina's viewer count dropped from 1 to 0 – which, why understandable, still felt a little sad. But there wasn't time to dwell on that – her character of choice at the moment in Orochi 3 – Xingcai – had been idling a bit too long, so she got herself into gear, and started to grind through her tasks. Honestly, after around fifteen minutes, if it wasn't for Rina-Chan Board, she almost forgot she was streaming at all, and the relaxation of playing Orochi 3 was the perfect thing to settle – as lacking as that word suited how she felt – into this new hobby.

No one came to her stream on her first day – and that was what Rina expected. She was a brand new streamer, playing a half-decade old game – she'd have been amazed if _anyone_ had came. What was a little more worrying is no one came on the second day, either, sans Yuu, who popped in to make sure everything was functioning on the viewer's end. Rina kept her chin up, though; a bunch of her favourite streamers had said they'd started much the same way, and so, Rina persevered.  
The third night, however, was the same, too, and even as she tried to justify to herself that this was normal, it still stung.

“Maybe it's the game...?” Rina murmured to herself quietly. Sure, Orochi 3 was pretty niche at this point, but she wanted to try and be 'herself' when streaming, and there were few games as satisfying as watching numbers go up and carving a path through thousands of mooks. She was enjoying herself, anyway, so she decided to stick with it until at least the end of the night.   
It'd been two hours into tonight's stream, and the deep, in-built frustration and darker thoughts that flared up whenever things didn't work out for her were creeping into the edges of her mind. To make matters worse, the levels she was working on weapon grinding for were proving to be a massive pain, and Rina was once again starting to feel like the entire streaming idea just wasn't going to work. Rina sighed, her mind wandering as the grindy tasks smoothed her brain out.  
  
 _“Beep, bee-beep bee-bee-beep, beep boop beep bop”_. Rina quietly hummed to herself, barely aware of herself. “ _Analog heart.”_ In the years she'd become more aware of her brain – and it's many forms of dealing with situations it didn't like – she'd found singing to herself was a good way to deal with panic and anxiety. Many an afternoon after a failure to befriend a classmate, or something akin to that, had been spent holed up in her room, reading or playing something, humming some TV show theme to herself to calm herself down. And besides that, Yuu _had_ been working hard on a new song for her, and it probably a good idea to start to practice the lyrics she'd gotten. _“_ _Before I knew it, I was wa-wa-walking somewhere far away. I unpredictably made a bi-bi-big leap, As if I was in a dream...”_ She gotten pretty good at the start, and she proud of that. Humming the next few lines to herself, her eyes idly slid to her second monitor at the empty chat.

Which, funnily enough, was now no longer empty – a single message had popped up a minute ago, in the middle of her singing.  
  
“ _ **What a cute mask! And what cute singing!!”**_ It took all of Rina’s self-control to not lose her composure then and there. Not that she could really be blamed - three days of having _no one_ come into her channel, and then the one time she started signing they just happened to pop in? She felt warmth creep up her cheeks, and and Rina-Chan Board blushed in response. Sometimes it worked _too_ well, Rina thought with mild annoyance. _**“And what cute expressions!!! <3 <3 <3”**_ Well, at least her first viewer seemed friendly.

“Good evening!” Rina said, smiling through her mask, praying it _was_ evening for them. “Welcome to my silly little stream! How did you find me, by the way?” She tried to keep her focus split between the game and the chatroom, as to not miss her first viewer's messages. She kept an eye on the corner of her second monitor, which showed her what her viewers were seeing. So far, Rina-Chan Board was making all the expressions she could dream of performing, but it hadn't really been used that much outside her debut performance. At least this was good data.

“ _ **I was just digging through streams, seeing if anyone was playing some old favourites – seeing someone streaming Orochi 3 in these days is pretty rare!”**_  
  
“Oh, you're a fan of the Orochi series? Did you start there, or find yourself there after playing Dynasty or Samurai Warriors?” Rina chirped.

“ _ **Oh, I'm a hardcore Samurai Warriors fan!”**_ Her first viewer told her. **_“Honestly, I barely even touched a Dynasty Warriors game before picking up Orochi 3, and then it doubled my addiction!”_** Rina giggled a bit beneath her mask , straightening herself up.

“I understand that!” She told her, leaving the game for a second. “I was the other way around – I think it was the second Orochi game that got me to check out Samurai Warriors, but I also play a whole ton of the other spin-offs, too!” The viewer had popped up so quickly, so out of nowhere, that Rina found herself talking before she even realised. Was this what it meant to start streaming, to start interacting with a viewer, personally?

Well, it quickly became _viewers_ , even as she gushed about the game to her first one.

It seemed even having one viewer was enough for people to actually consider checking her out – she understood the lack of appeal in watching a streamer with _zero_ viewers, even if it still stung a bit for those firs three nights. A lot of their questions were about her Rina-Chan Board, and if she was just a new form of a Virtual Youtuber – which Rina quickly refuted with playful frustration. All of them also seemed to be fans of Orochi 3, trudging through the streaming service for _anyone_ playing their game; there seemed to be one other person streaming, but they seemed to be a bit of a loudmouth, and several of her viewers flat out said she was more of an attraction to viewers then the game itself. Rina acted all flustered (to her viewer's great enthusiasm), but she understood that – it wasn't the most engaging game to watch in the world, anyway. Honestly, the most fun part of this all was the fact that people _wanted_ to talk to her about her silly, niche games barley anyone liked. They talked about favourite characters, silly dialogue exchanges, the incredible grind of 100% the game – it was unlike, well, any conversation she'd ever had in her life, at least verbally, and it warmed her insides like few other things could.

She was having so much fun, chatting and interacting with those five or so viewers, that she stayed up far past her normal sleep time – past midnight. That kind of made her happy, though – the fact time could just slip away without her realising, because of just how much fun she was having; the last time that'd happened was when she'd had a sleep over with a bunch of the other girls from the club – though of course, in the end they hadn't gotten any sleep at all. Finally bringing herself to stop swapping endgame grinding tips with one of the five viewers, Rina let out a mighty yawn that didn't fit her tiny frame, giving a tiny cute wave to the camera.

“It's more then a little late for me, so I'm gonna jump off for now, but I'll be playing more Orochi tomorrow night, if you want to tune in! As you can see, I've got a _lot_ more Mystic Weapons to farm, so I'll need all your voices in her to keep me sane!” She laughed a little, feeling genuinely warmth radiate through her chest. She really, really didn't want to get off, but she had a lot of classwork tomorrow, and practising with the girls, too. This couldn't be here whole life right from the get-go!

“ _ **I'll be there as soon as you're on!”**_ One viewer declared.

“ _ **I'll be there too, I gotta learn how you're meant to do that map with Kojiro.”**_ Another admitted.

Waving goodbye to her own little audience, Rina-Chan Board gave a wink and a grin, and then the stream shut off, Rina collapsing fully into her chair as it did.

She'd only been doing it for a few hours, but Rina decided streaming was one of the most fun and exciting things she'd ever done in her life. She forced herself to move into bed after changing into her pajamas, having promised herself once she got into high school to not fall asleep in her computer chair ever again. It took a while to sleep, though – with how her mind was abuzz, how could she? Briefly, as sleep clawed at her eyes, she wondered how she could involve Ai, or maybe Kasumi or Shizuku in all this, share this rapidly growing love with them one way or another.

“ _Ai would be really funny on stream.”_ Rina thought to herself, curling up into a ball under her warm blankets. “ _It'd be really fun to mess around with her on my stream, joking around and playing games together... I wonder if she'd like... that._ ”

Well, the plan was to incorporate Ai into her life as much as physically possible – but that came after she learned to grow up by herself – once she learned to express herself, even a little bit, without either of her Rina-Chan Board. Everything Rina was doing here, whilst it was for herself, to better herself... a little bit of Rina's mind was dedicated to that moment, maybe not this month, maybe not this year, when she laid bare to her dearest friend in the world _exactly_ how she met. She wanted to be stronger from talking with stream viewers. But she wanted Ai to see her as that person to – not as her best friend who always needing a helping hand, a quick rescue from her demons... Rina wanted Ai to see as someone who truly loved her. As someone.... who wanted to be... truly loved... by her.

It was nice, falling asleep thinking about Ai.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a rather quiet beginning to her streaming venture, Rina's hit with a lot more then she expected, a lot quicker then she expected.

She didn't really talk about her streaming to anyone at school, outside letting Yu know it was all working out finally. All day, her mind was buzzing with excitement at switching back onto streaming mode that night Ai did seem to notice her change in mood, even though Rina was _sure_ it showing on her face (with no small measure of both amusement and frustration), but she didn't ask – after all, she understood that if Rina wanted to talk about something exciting, she'd tell her when she was ready.

Setting up for her fourth and fifth nights of streaming were a lot more stressful then the first two, despite the excitement coursing through all her day, then the first three, because she _knew_ there were going to be at least a few people actually, _purposefully_ coming to see her. The urge to run was there, but she still forced her headphones and Rina-Chan Board on all the same. Only a few minutes after switching on her stream and jumping back into Orochi 3, pretty much all of her viewers from the previous night jumped back in as if they'd never really left. It was nice to feel that she'd connected enough to have them want to come back so quickly. She sort of re-introduced herself again, just having her viewers refer to her by her real name – honestly, it was just a matter of time before someone connected her to her role as a school idol – might as well not use a fake handle.

Honestly, she’d been terrified of what the process of interacting with a chatroom would actually be like, but it was far more relaxing and laid-back then she thought it would. Which is to say, Rina-Chan Board was actively showcasing how frazzled she was to have a dozen people’s attention focused on her, much to the delight of her viewers. It was just like at her performance – her mask was a hit.   
The fourth night passed much the third, with just a few more people, full of laughter and chatting about the more obscure facts of the game. No, Rina realised things were really starting to gather steam on the fifth day.

On the fifth of her streams, everything was the same as usual. Around ten people actively talking in the chat, with a somewhat significant more just watching silently.   
It was like this for around an hour, when she got a message in her chat – another streamer, a name she didn't recognise, was hosting her, transferring all _their_ viewers to her. Suddenly, her viewer count jumped up to nearly _a hundred_ people, with thirty or forty actively talking in the chat, commenting on her gameplay and her Rina-Chan Board, and she felt the deep-set anxiety well up and almost overwealm her. She got a few _lols_ and expressions of excitement about her mask in the chat, and she couldn't help but have her mask eyes go wide was surprise and mild panic at the sheer amount of people coming in.   
There was just _so_ much being said, so many questions and comments and just observations about everything that was happening.

It was way, way too much for her to deal with, at least right away. Rina breathed in deeply, doing her best to keep her mask's expressions the same as they were when everyone came in. She'd managed to do the past two streams without taking a break at all, but she needed this now – she'd probably have a panic attack if she tried to deal with this all now. So, still breathing in deeply, Rina managed to get Rina-Chan Board to smile sweetly and the young streamer told her chat that she’d be taking a fifteen minute break, which was spent with the camera and Rina-Chan Board off, sitting on her bed letting her nerves settle.

It was a lot like her debut performance - she’d been surprised by how many people actually showed up to see her sing - but she’d managed to push past her terror due to the sheer thrill of the moment, and the support of her friends. The stage was different, an invisible barrier separating herself from those she tried to connect with. Their voices was all as one, a roar of passion and adoration that made her feel all warm and tingly.  
Here, she was on her own, in new territory, talking and being complimented by dozens people she’d never and probably never will meet. Plainly, it made her mind boggle, and it felt far easier to just run away, like she always did - switch off her stream, hide away and never log on again. How did she connect with many people on a personal level? What if they weren't all nice? What if, what if, what if!? The questions flew around her head, again and again, doubt and panic seeding into her brain. Rina felt the urge to dig into her pocket and grab her phone, message Ai or one of the girls for support.

The fact she even thought it frustrated and angered herself beyond compare. She couldn't run away every time something scary happened to her brain. She couldn't run and hide, hide behind another, instead of standing on her own. Gripping the sheets of her bed tightly, Rina made her decision.

Slowly, she got up off the bed, even as her legs shook with tremors. She slid her headphones and Rina-Chan Board back on, checking in her mirror that all was as it was.   
“Looking good, Rina.” She told herself, a flicked her camera back on.  
Even as adrenaline and anxiety hurtled through her system, Rina felt the lump in her stomach weaken as her eyes slid over the chatbox’s messages from the last fifteen minutes. 

“Sorry about that!” Rina said, a smile flashing across her screen. “I was surprised to see so many of you coming to see me, I just need a few minutes to pump myself up!”

“ _ **That’s okay!**_ ” One message said. “ _ **Being a first-time streamer, it can be tough having a lot of people in at once!”**_

“ _ **Being able to stream at all is cool as hell! I'd pass out from fright if I had 100 people watching my every move!”**_ Well, that didn't fill her with as much comfort as they likely thought, but she pushed through her brain's interference regardless.

 _ **“Are you okay now, Rina?”**_ Rina froze again, staring at that message, even as it moved up the chat log. _Are you okay?_ It took Rina a moment to respond, but even before she parted her lips to speak, Rina-Chan Board's face flicked up with electronic tears, quickly resulting in a flood of further messages in the chatbox asking if she was okay. Had anyone, outside her Ai, her new friends, and her parents ever asked if she was okay?

“ _ **Are you okay???”**_ The chat asked, again – several of them, seemingly taken aback by the crying visuals of her mask. “ _ **That's amazing that it can even do that.”**_ **_“Honestly that's the cutest face I've seen it do so far.”_** Rina giggled a little bit, eliciting a flood of chat-based appreciation immediately. She'd gotten lucky, Rina decided. This was a very kind bunch of viewers.

“No, no, Rina's okay!” She said, accidentally speaking in the third person. Habits from using the notebook Rina-Chan Board. “All this is simply a little overwhelming for a level one streamer like me! Don't worry, let's just keep chatting.” Her eyes slid back to Orochi 3, her eyes half glazing over as the grindy task she was on met her once again. “Not just to enjoy ourselves, but to stop me from my going to sleep over this!”

“ _ **Is the game getting a little old?”**_

It really was.   
“It's the kind of game to play in short bursts.” One of her ideas she'd had at school that day floated back into her mind, at the perfect time. “Since I was thinking of making this more of a regular thing, I didn't just want to stream this crummy thing all the time.” Rina said, nodding at Orochi. “It... isn't the freshest thing I've ever played. Maybe I'll start something else, tomorrow, but it's just a matter of _what_.” Thankfully, the chat was there to help.

“ **Have you played Ni No Kuni before? I got reeeealy into that a few years ago. Loved collecting those little monsters.”**

“Oh, I don't think I have!” She'd actually bought it on sale around a year ago, completely with the mid to actually play it, but just like so many other things, it just slipped away from her. “Give me a second, actually.” Glancing to her left, where her gaming shelf sat, she had a little pile of games that she'd bought but hadn't touched at all yet. Grabbing five of them – Ni No Kuni, Demon's Souls, Ghosts of Tsushima, Disgaea 3, and Star Fox Zero being each of them – Rina held them up in front of the camera, indecision popping up across Rina-Chan Board.

“I'm always so indecisive with games, so you pick.” Clicking on her other monitor, she quickly generated a poll in the chat, which each of the games listed as an option. “These are all games games I bought like a doofus and never played. Whichever gets the most votes in five minutes will be played tomorrow night.” There was a rapid result, as the poll options battled it out for dominence, and the chatroom playfully argued with one another with what they wanted to play. It was surprsing, to Rina, to see everyone's tastes come out in a chat. Ghosts of Tsushima was the easy favourite, but there was a lot of love from RPG fanatics for Ni No Kuni and Disgaea 3, with only a few people hyped for her to play Demon Souls or Star Fox Zero. But, five minutes were up, and Ghosts of Tsushima was the winner by a notable amount. “Well, that was an easier decision then I thought.” Rina said dryly. Most of the chat seemed happy with the result, though she saw several playful demands that she play Demon Souls or Disgaea 3. “I'll try my best to get through this, but my real backlog is as tall as I am – at least you guys will helped me dig myself out of that hole!” Her mask beamed delightfully at even the idea of getting through that pile of shame.

After deciding on tomorrow's game, she didn’t really settle down for the rest of the night, the fact that she had so many people chatting with her, and each other was too great an anxiety on her mind. Despite that, and thanks to how single-minded she could get playing Musou games, Rina really did enjoy the next few hours she spent streaming. All her viewers who were chatting were genuinely lovely, usually asking about the game, or the functions of Rina-Chan Board. When she felt a little braver, lulled a little by their kind words of the viewers, she'd ask them about themselves, how their days were, what kind of video games they were excited by. It was the most fun she'd had outside the club in, well, years. At least since before she met Ai. In the end, it reached a point where she wasn't even really playing the game anymore – she spent an hour just chatting, not aware the time was passing all.

As she started to wind down her stream, getting back to playing a bit of Orochi just to end out the stream, she glanced down at her chatbox. Even when she wasn't speaking to her viewers, they were all chatting together, usually about the game or something related to it. It was a relief, honestly, to Rina. She didn't have to _always_ be talking, and the viewers didn't get bored or complain. Of course, all good things had to come to an end.

Rina glanced at the clock – it was past midnight, but she wasn't exhausted quite yet. think I'll log off in a few moments, actually.” There was a wash of understanding, yet saddened comments, despite the fact she'd been going for five hours now. She tapped her fingers on the table, a little question on the edge of her lips. She'd been planning to ask this question all night, but it still felt weird to let it out. “B-By the way, everyone... how have I been doing? Just... overall?” Thankfully, this was the kind of chat who was perfectly happy to voice their reception to her streaming forays.

“ _ **Honestly, considering it's your first week streaming, you're doing really well!”**_ Rina's heart skipped a beat at the praise. **_“I guess you could be more confident???”_** Another message said. _**“It's not even really a critique, just first thing I thought of, but sometimes there's a bit too much dead air??? It's not really that bad.”**_ Rina nodded, thoughtfully. They were things that were long-term improvements, things to get better at by repetition. No one else really had major complaints.

“Is, um, there anything I could do better, or anything like that?” She asked again. She was being hard on herself – she knew it wasn't good for her – but she had to know how to improve herself, no matter how small it was. Maybe that was a mistake.

“ _ **Maybe you can show us your face? :^)”**_ Rina's brain screeched to a dizzying stop, but she didn't let herself get upset at the thought of doing that.

“I... have difficulty expressing myself, like I said earlier.” Rina said quietly, referring to her early explanation of Rina-Chan Board. “I'd... prefer to not do that.”

“ _ **Thats cool! Sorry I was more just throwing ideas out!”  
“We're just a little excited because of how cute you dedefinitely are!”   
“Maybe it's something you could do once you build your viewers and confidence a little more?” **_Well, at least that last comment was actually constructive. There was no question her viewers didn't have some ulterior motive, as innocent as it really seemed.

“M-Maybe in the future.” Rina said noncommittally. Despite that, the chat exploded with excitement about a possible face reveal from their new favourite streamer. Rina knew this would've happened in the end, either way, but it still felt a little grating for them to come to her stream, at least partially, due to her Rina-Chan Board gimmick. Oh well, the fact that _she_ was someone's new favourite streaming set her chest alight, anyway. She hadn't committed to showing her face off or anything, nothing concrete anyway, so it was fine. “A-Anyway.” She continued, regaining a little of her resolve. “It's super late for me, so I'll head off for the night. Thanks for all sticking around and watching me play such a stupid game for so long!” She got another burst of messages, some lamenting the end of the stream, but mostly cheery goodbyes. Rina-Chan Board erupted into a wide smile, Rina herself waving cheerfully at the camera, and just like that, her fifth day of streaming came to an end. When all was said an, after her extended hours, it was nearly 1AM on a school night, and she was so physically _and_ emotionally exhausted she didn't even change into her comfy flannel pyjamas – she simply slid into bed and passed out, still in her dress.

She'd streamed five nights in a row, two of which, and most of the third, had had zero viewers. But she'd done it! She'd had people watching her, talking with her, _connecting with her_ , in a personal way that couldn't be replicated on the stage. She still had a long way to go – ideas regarding herself that were far away from really being changed. But she'd made baby steps this week – and no matter what, _she would_ be proud of that.  
But, honestly, she felt terrible when woke up at 7, absolutely exhausted from staying up so late, but Rina couldn't remember the last time she'd woken up feeling so positive. She didn't feel like she'd gotten as much of a 'level-up' as she was hoping from just a bit of streaming, but she really did feel like she'd started on her way. Dressing into her school uniform, she glanced at her headphones, attached to Rina-Chan Board. Patting the gear gently, she whispered to it playfully.

“I thought I'd only need you for performances. Guess I'll be relying on you a lot more then I thought.” Her memories recalled her noncommittal answers to removing her mask on stream, and she felt her legs turn to jelly at even the thought. Still, Rina thought with mild optimism, it was a goal. A goal she'd likely never reach, considering how deep baked her worries regarding her face was, but it was something she could hope for.

She had to have something, right?

* * *

It was lunch time, and today four members of the School Idol Club gathered to eat together. They were eating at one of the tables out the back of the monstrously huge school building; Rina was sitting beside Ai, whilst Yuu and Emma sat opposite them. For the first time, Rina starting telling people beyond Yuu that she'd begun to stream herself on the internet – Ai and Emma were both floored, not expecting that turn of events at all.

“How's _what_ been going?” Ai asked, incredulous. Rina hadn't mentioned any of this to any of her other friends before and during her streaming venture, since she'd wanted to start on this journey more or less alone; now that it was actually going somewhere, it felt okay to let it out.  
  
“I’ve been streaming myself playing video games every night the last week, using Rina-Chan Board.” She said matter-of-factually, taking another bite from her lunch. Ai looked almost offended that she hadn't been told, but even Rina could tell she was just playing. Emma looked deep in thought, trying to work out what she was going to say.

“Oh, you’re like one of those… what was it again…?” Emma mused, frowning to herself.

“Vtubers?” Yuu said, excitement crossing her features. “Ahh, they’re all so cute, too…” She sighed, leaning on her hand as she was, inevitably, thinking about cute girls _again_.

“Yes!” Emma beaned, also joining Yuu in sighing contentedly. “Kasumin showed me a number of them a few weeks ago!

“Vtubers are cute and all, but that’s not what I’m really going for…” Rina sighed, looking down at her food.

“That's fair.” Yu replied, snapping out of her Vtuber based daydream. “It's not the kind of thing you want showing yourself off, right?” Ai looked between Yuu and Rina, lost.

“Wait, what's the difference between these Vtuber gals and what Rinari's doing?” She asked, confused still.

“Vtubers pretty much make a full 3D model that kind of mimics how they move. It's pretty much them playing a character and just doing whatever without showing themselves off.” Yuu explained, digging through her phone for a photo of one for an example.

“But Rina is just trying to express herself as she is, right?” Emma continued, smiling warmly at her younger friend. “She may be using her Rina-Chan Board as a tool to help express herself, but she isn't playing a character or anything, if I'm correct, Rina?” Rina nodded vigiriously, taking a bite out of her food.

“Oooooh, I get it.” Ai said, nodding at a photo of a younger girl who seemed to be dressed like a shark. “I can get the appeal of these Vtuber gals, but I think I'd pick Rinari every time.” She grinned at her friend, who focused on eating her food instead. “I mean, there's nothing _virtual_ about how cute Rinari is!” Rina had a lot on her mind at the moment, with her needs to express herself, the constant war against her brain, and where she wanted to take her streaming.

But, at the end of the day, Rina thought, most of her worries weren't as pressing as the all-encompassing crush she'd developed on her best friend. Now wasn't the time to deal with that, and so, like so many her problems, Rina filed that away in the back of her brain.

“It’s not that many people, really.” Rina said flatly, as if that wasn’t an achievement on it’s own in the streaming world. Yuu didn’t seem convinced by her modesty. “There are streamers with hundreds of thousands of live viewers, make people like me look like nothing.”

“Don't act as if a hundred viewers in five days isn't a big deal! You got those viewers faster then our PVs did at the start, though…” Yu sighed, resting her forehead on the table. “That’s… frustrating, actually.” She groaned.

“Yeah, because when you started off you didn’t have anyone as cute as Rinari!” Ai laughed, lightly ruffling her best friend’s hair, albeit it rather gently. Rina didn’t mind - Ai knew what made her boundaries - and personally, with Ai, Rina’s boundaries went pretty far.

“Don't worry, Yuu.” Emma consoled her, patting her head gently, even as her eyes were still glued to the Vtuber on her phone. “You've worked hard to make us all visible, and we're getting more and more hits all the time.”

“I know...” Yuu said, still looking depressed. “It's just frustrating to work hard for weeks and months, and see someone soar by us so quickly.”

“It's a different medium, though.” Rina said, finishing some of her food. “I bet if we streamed some of our songs, we'd get a ton of viewers.” Yuu looked at Rina, akin to as if her jaw had hit the floor. “W-What is it?” Rina asked, unnerved.

“Rina, you're a genius.” Yuu said, new ideas concocting in her mind.

“What's got her so excited?” A new voice joined the little exchange, announcing Karin's arrival to the situation.

“Karin, Karin!” Emma said excitedly, brandishing her phone. “Check out these, uh...?” She glanced at Yuu for backup.

“Vtubers.” Yuu replied, with no small amusement.

“Yes, these Vtubers!” Rina had seen people fall down the Vtuber hole fast, but never as quickly as the ten minutes Emma had been really exposed to them. Before long, the three young women on the other side of the bench quickly descended into a somewhat palindromic conversation about Vtubers, mostly consisting of Yuu gushing about them, Emma trying to learn as much as she could, and Karin being somewhat lost by her girlfriend's behaviour, the original idea of Yuu having them stream their music rapidly overturned by Emma's immediate obsession.

Karin's arrival pulled the conversation, somewhat thankfully, away from Rina as a focus. She continued to eat her food in silence, watching the other girl's banter about one thing or another. Eventually, Ai left the conversation, turning on the bench to beam at her best friend. She looked radiant in the sunlight, Rina thought to herself, doing her best to focus on her sandwich rather then say or do something stupid.

“I gotta say, Rinari, this streaming idea is super cool!” She grinned, heavily patting her friend on the back. Rina just nodded, doing her best to not accidentally throw up from how strong her pats were. Just another fact of being her friend. “I'm glad you found something really _you_ to channel your energy.”

“I love games, I just want to learn to talk about them more.” Ai nodded thoughtfully, even though there wasn't much to be thoughtful of over such a response.

“Ya need any help with any of it, Rinari?” Ai asked, flashing her brilliant smile. “I mean, I know you have Yuu helpin' you out, but it's always good to have me in your corner, right?”   
Rina stiffened a little bit, feeling that ever-present urge to take the easy way out, making Ai and their friends shoulder her burdens. She knew they wouldn’t mind - and this wasn’t a huge deal, anyway - but at least for now, she’d resolved to work on this alone.

“I, um, think I’m okay, Ai.” Rina said a little quietly. Ai raised her eyebrows, a looking a little surprised, but her smile didn’t die away. 

“Oh…” Ai said, her voice sounding a little less lively. Rina felt her stomach drop. “T-That's cool! I guess the only person to help _you_ IS _Yuu_.” She laughed, a little weakly. She’d made her sad, hadn’t she? Almost without thinking, Rina reached out and gripped the edge of Ai’s sweater, as if to reassure her.

“I-It’s not that I don’t want your help, Ai!” Rina quickly told her, feeling stupid. “Honestly, nothing would make me happier to have you in my corner when I’m showing myself to everyone, but…” She went quiet for a moment, pondering on her words. So, of course the only thing she could think to do was to put up her fists, as if she was ready to brawl. “I gotta learn to _fight myself_ by fighting _for_ myself.” A long moment of silence elapsed between the two of them, Rina remarking in just how stupid that sounded.

“That’s crazy impressive, Rinari!” Ai gasped, gripping her hands tightly. Well, Ai _was_ impressed by stupid things, sometimes. It was adorable. “That’s like… such a brave thing to do.” She looked a little conflicted, for a moment. “Honestly, my initial thought was that you didn't really need to do that – I think you express yourself wonderfully, as you are. But then I remember I can read you a _lot_ better then everyone else, and it's a little rude and stupid of me to assume you're okay with it, too.” Her face went a little red, as if she said the wrong thing. “W-Was that rude to say? Did I put my foot in my mouth again? I was sure it wouldn't fit...” Her face curled into a silly smile. “Though, I feel I'm _fit_ enough to _fit_ it in my mouth, honestly.”

“Ai...” Rina mumbled, just avoiding her terrible pun. Ai _could_ put her foot in her mouth a bit, but she could tell everything said had care put behind them. And, well, it'd take a lot from Ai to make Rina actually angry at her.   
  
“What I mean.” Ai finally said, sighing to herself out of self-annoyance. “I act like I have all the confidence in the world baked into my weird little head, but I can't imagine getting in front of all those people and being able to talk the whole time. Singing is one thing, but _talking_ about myself? I'd bore half the audience to death, and that's only if I could find garbage to talk about! You're so damn powerful to do this, especially considering....” She didn't need to say it, but she wasn't wrong either.

“Don't be stupid.” Rina sighed, shaking her head. “You're good at talking – you could make sand sound interesting.” Ai played at frowning, sighing as Rina had said something terrible.

“Sand _is_ interesting, Rinari.” She chided. “If it wasn't, the beach wouldn't be the best goddamn place on the planet – and I _will_ get you there this summer, Rinari.” Rina made a show of crossing her arms and looking away from her friend in defiance, which made Ai snort in amusement.

“You can try.” Rina said, almost as if it was a challenge.

“I won't need to _try_ , I can carry you under one arm all the way to beach without breaking a sweat!” Ai descended into giggles again, Rina rocking back and forth from joy in her own little way. Quietly, Rina breathed out in relief – Ai wasn't mad at her rejecting her help.  
  
“I’m proud of 'ya, by the way.” Ai said, quieter so their other friends couldn’t hear. She lightly tightened her grip on Rina's hands, smiling like an angel. “It’s tough tackling yourself like this on your own, but sometimes the toughest fights are the inside ones, right?” She beamed, flashing beautifully white teeth at her best friend that made Rina’s leg’s turn to jelly. “I wish I had your drive, sometimes!”

It probably wasn’t perceptible to Ai, but Rina stared down at her legs, feeling warmth spread over her cheeks. She had been working hard to improve herself, making herself more prepared to be a school idol, but more importantly and most secretly - she wanted to make herself feel like she could be strong on her own, mature on her own… and confident to things that seemed like an impossibility at the time. She had a lot of work to do, a lot of streams to perform on, and a lot of goals she wanted to meet.  
  
At least she had so many people on her side.  
  
“And 'sides,” Ai continued. “With how many people you've already got watching you, I'm sure there'll be a never-ending _stream_ of viewers coming to see you!” Ai giggled to herself, very proud of her stupid pun. Rina let out a quiet sigh, pulling out her note-book Rina-Chan Board, until she found the write page. Holding it over her face, Ai just giggled again as a very unimpressed and tired drawing of Rina's face appeared. She never needed Rina-Chan Board with Ai, who always could tell what she was thinking.

No, Rina-Chan Board was reserved, at least in Ai's case, to make fun of her.

“Rina-Chan Board says: Booooooo!” Rina groaned from behind her notebook, sending Ai into even more frightful laughs, to the point they had the other present members of the club wondering what the hell had set her off so badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Rina learns that her experiences with her viewers aren't quite the norm, as she grapples with the point of doing this at all.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! In the end, this was actaully the second half of a first chapter, but I felt 8k words was a little too much for a single chapter. I don't really have a plan for how long this will go for, so I hope you enjoy for now!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> This is the first chapter of an ongoing series of yet undetermined length! This was a lot of fun to write, and I've already got much of a second chapter written up - so, I hope you're excited to see more of Rina's streaming adventure - and everything that comes with it!
> 
> Be sure to leave a comment if you want!


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